How To Break Up With Someone You Love

November 23, 2018 by  
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How To Break Up With Someone You Love

Sometimes relationships don't work out - no matter how much you care for someone, there's a factor that stops things from working. In this guide, we'll show you how to break up with someone you love and move on to the next part of your life.

Step 1: Start Addressing Your Feelings Now

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Start Addressing Your Feelings Now

Break-ups are emotionally powerful events, especially when you genuinely care for the other person. Unfortunately, as a society, we're not taught much about how to deal with these emotions in a safe, healthy way.

For that reason, it's best to start the break-up process by confronting your feelings. People often feel sad, angry, confused, resentful, jealous, afraid, or regretful afterward. If you ignore these feelings, they'll continue to affect you and stop you from moving on.

One of the best ways of addressing your feelings is talking about them with someone you know won't tell the other person what you're planning until you're ready. For many people, this includes close friends and family members. Try to talk to someone who's been through a rough break-up before.

As you do, you'll probably start to realize that what you're feeling is normal and that the break-up isn't the end of the world. Other people have survived this and come out better, and you can, too.

Next, start writing out your feelings. Properly addressing them can take time, and by putting them into words, you can isolate the nebulous sensations of loss into something more concrete. Writing things out can help you figure out why you care about them so much, what you're going to miss about the relationship, and why you have to end things.

Most people consider this text too private to share with others - and that's fine. Keep it locked away if you plan to go back and read things later, or dispose of the paper after you're done writing it out. Be sure to use paper and a pencil for this, not electronics - physically writing things down has an observable effect on the brain and your memory.

The most important thing to write is the positive reasons for the break-up - that is, why it's important for you to do it. This is the part you'll remember the most, and keeping good reasons for your actions in mind can help you avoid sliding back into a situation that isn't good for you.

​Step 2: Understand That Break-Ups Are Normal

Understand That Break-Ups Are Normal

​Most people don't like to talk about this, but the truth is that many relationships end with a break-up.

It's relatively common for people to date well into the double-digits before finding a true match.
Entertainment media rarely shows this. Even as children, we hear all these different stories about being alone until we find "the one." That creates some unrealistic expectations about what we're expected to do and how we should treat our first few relationships.

That said, things get easier when you understand that a break-up was probably inevitable. It's sad that it didn't work out, yes, but there's no way you could have known that from the start. Rather, it's likely things were always going to turn out this way - so try to think about the good times you had.

​Step 3: Avoid Personalizing The Loss

Avoid Personalizing The Loss

​Most people blame themselves for a break-up. This is completely normal, but it's not healthy to let it go on for too long. The main culprit is often thinking "What could I have done differently to stop this from happening?", but the factors pushing people out of relationships with those they love are rarely anyone's fault.

Remember, everyone in a good relationship is trying to meet their own needs. Some couples are successfully able to do this, while others aren't. You and your about-to-be-former partner probably did your best with all the information you had, but there are factors that neither of you can control.
However, if you genuinely feel like you could have done more - and most people do feel this way, rationally or not - consider trying to improve things in your next relationship. Write down the things you want from someone else, such as the amount of time you want to be together. At the same time, write down what you're willing to do for them. Remember, relationships are about what you give as much as what you get.

​Step 4: Prepare For Taking Care Of Yourself

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Prepare For Taking Care Of Yourself

​The first few days following your break-up are going to be the worst. You may not feel like sleeping, eating, or moving around - but it's important to do all of these things. Consider taking a few days off from work to rest and recover from what's sure to be one of the most emotionally damaging things to happen to you in years.

Prepare a few healthy meals ahead of time - plenty of fruits and vegetables, and ideally something that won't need too much preparation when it's time to eat. At the same time, make sure you get at least eight hours of sleep a day following the break-up. Go to bed early if you have to, and take herbal supplements or sleep medicine if needed.

(Sleep deprivation will only make things worse. You must avoid this if at all possible.)
Finally, try to start or maintain an exercise routine. Aside from being healthy, exercise helps to create endorphins in your mind - and endorphins, quite literally, make you happy. A good jolt of another emotion can stop long-term depression from sinking in and allow you to move on.

​Step 5: Decide On A Method Of Breaking Up

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Decide On A Method Of Breaking Up

When deciding how to break up with someone you love, there are a few ways to go about it. Doing it in-person is emotionally rough, but many people feel they owe the other person at least that much. After all, it's not like you hate the person and don't want to see them again.

If doing it in person is too hard, consider writing a letter to explain things. Don't just send a short message over social media.

Instead, explain the reason for your decision and why you feel like breaking up is the right thing to do. It helps to focus on the situation surrounding you, rather than blaming anyone for what happened. This is easiest if the primary factor is genuinely beyond your control - such as moving out-of-state and no longer being there to date them.

Decide On A Method Of A Break Up

However, the real reason for doing this is trying to spare them as much pain as possible. One of the things that make it hard to break up with someone is the knowledge that whatever you feel now, they're probably going to feel more of - and we don't like seeing those we love in pain.

By fully explaining yourself and making it clear that you don't think they're at fault here, you can soften the blow and avoid triggering any excess feelings of guilt. You may also want to arrange for some support - if they're surrounded by their friends right after the break-up, they might get over it faster. (This isn't appropriate in every case, so think hard before you start arranging something like this.)

​Step 6: Don't Believe You Can Get Back Together

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Don't Believe You Can Get Back Together

Some people hold on to this hope - but just like the story of Pandora's Box, hope can be the most dangerous thing of all. If you focus on the relationship that was, you'll never be able to move on with your life. Even if you start dating someone else, you won't be able to fully commit to the new relationship.

Instead, put aside any possibility of getting back together. It's not going to happen, and the longer you wait to accept this, the worse it's going to be.

​Step 7: Don't Try To Maintain A Friendship

Don't Try To Maintain A Friendship

The "friend zone" is often considered the worst place to be - and with good reason. The sad truth of the matter is that most people can't truly maintain a friendship with an ex - not for several months, at least, of no contact at all. If you can't physically separate, try to avoid talking to them or looking at them until you're feeling emotionally stable again.

To be clear, this doesn't mean that they're a terrible person or that they'd be a bad friend - it's just that it's only harder on the two of you if you try to stay close despite the break-up. Trying to maintain a friendship is often part of hoping you'll be able to get back together and become "more than friends" someday.

These seven steps are the most important things to know about how to break up with someone you love. It's never easy to do this, but the most important things in life rarely are. Don't dwell on what you've lost. Instead, be thankful for what you had - and move on.

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17 Best Pick-Up Lines To Try Online

November 3, 2018 by  
Filed under Dating Tips, First Date Conversation

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best pick up lines: man woman date in restaurant

Despite attempts to create algorithms permitting otherwise, online dating is hard - but it's a lot harder if you can't even get people to talk to you. Here are some of the best pick up lines we've found.

​How we Picked Our Lines

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best pick up lines: guy and girl talking in the dock

Before we get to the list of best pick up lines, however, we'd like to take a moment to try and cover our process for selecting these. As a general rule, relevant pick-up lines work better than generic ones. Once someone (of either gender) is interested and involved, they're more likely to keep things going and give you a chance.

On the other hand, if nothing is prompting a response, they may just grin and ignore it.
Ladies, we're sorry, but guys are probably lying if they say you're the only one they've tried a specific line on. They're just trying to make you feel unique and important. Men are usually encouraged to "play the numbers" and keep trying to meet people until they find someone who will accept them.

Men usually initiate the contact for dating, so even if you feel overwhelmed with messages, remember that many of the people contacting you don't. Anyone who's serious about a relationship will stop sending out messages once they're convinced you won't be dumping them right away.

Both genders may also want to know what people look for in mate selection - that can help you portray yourself in the best light.

Our Best Pick Up Lines

best pick up lines: guy and girl dating

Here are our best pick up lines to try online

​#1: [Food] sometime? Check yes or no.

best pick up lines: [Food] sometime? Check yes or no.

The food in this pick-up line should be something casual and easy. Tacos are a popular choice - especially if there's a nice food truck in the area. It doesn't pressure people for a serious commitment (even if they pay for themselves, they won't be out much), and encouraging them to pick an option helps you quickly sort through interested people.

If someone picks yes, then congrats, you have a date - and you can select a time that won't overlap with anything else. If they say no, they're probably not seriously interested, and you can move on.

​#2: What's the weirdest message you've gotten here?

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best pick up lines: What's the weirdest message you've gotten here?

This is one of the best pick up lines because this encourages someone to tell a story - and at that point, you become someone who knows about one of their experiences and can start relating to them. It's also good for getting a laugh - and from there, you can spin it somehow to make yourself more approachable.

For example, if someone mentions feeling pressured by a weird message, you can go back to our #1 line and suggest meeting in a friendly, well-lit public place.

#3: [Series 1] or [Series 2]? There can only be one.

best pick up lines: [Series 1] or [Series 2]? There can only be one.

This is a way to get to know someone - and find out if they enjoy certain hobbies as much as you do. Star Wars and Star Trek are a popular choice here, but it could also be Marvel/DC, Game of Thrones/Downton Abbey, or any other series that you think the person may be interested in.

This line is most effective when you know something about them - usually from their profile. For example, you should only mention Marvel and DC if they mention liking comics or superhero movies.

Most people are willing to spend a lot of time talking about their interests, and this encourages them to share and help you find some common ground.

You may be able to spin this into a date. It's not 100% effective, but if you can bring in a relevant movie, a local convention, or some other activity, it's a great way to meet up. It's also a good excuse to let someone bring friends along.

​#4: I can't wait for your mom to say "You could do better" after meeting me.

best pick up lines: I can't wait for your mom to say "You could do better" after meeting me.

This is a joke - although a little self-depreciating in its approach. The idea with this line is to present yourself as imperfect but also entertaining and a little impulsive; that's why it's one of the best pick up lines. It tends to work better on people who are more interested in fun than a serious relationship - although it's always possible for a long-term relationship to grow out of some fun.

Remember, you don't need to be thinking about getting engaged on the first date - no matter how desperate you are. Take your time, have some fun, and see what happens.

​#5: What sort of opener would get you to talk to me?

best pick up lines: What sort of opener would get you to talk to me?

This line goes straight to the heart of things - and encourages a response that can tell you a lot about someone and what interests them. For example, you may find that a lot of the people you match with like corny jokes - or they might want a straightforward date offer instead. Even if you don't connect, you'll probably learn a lot from the responses to this question.

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#6: What was the most random class you ever took and were really into?

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best pick up lines: What was the most random class you ever took and were really into?

This is another fishing question - focused on their education and what sort of things they like. Aside from being great material for stories, it gives the other person a chance to recount some genuinely helpful information.

In most cases, you'll want to spin the response into a more extended conversation. For example, if they mention enjoying a class on archaeology, you can ask which part they found the most interesting. At the same time, you can look up any relevant sites in the area (like a museum), and potentially spin it into a date.

​#7: What's your favorite day of the week, and why?

best pick up lines: What's your favorite day of the week, and why?

Here's another inclusion to our list of best pick up lines; a revealing question. It can help you learn a lot about what they prioritize. The days aren't as important as the reason for choosing it, however. If someone says Saturday because "they're done with work," they may feel stressed and appreciate people who bring fun and relaxation.

On the other hand, if they say Friday because they "hang out with their friends" then, they probably value the other people they know. You can then suggest dates that won't take them away from time with those people - or even encourage it by suggesting those friends come along.

​#8: Drink of choice?

best pick up lines: Drink of choice?

​Short, simple, and straight to the point. People tend to enjoy drinks that match their personalities, and it's easy to spin these into a suggestion to get them - unless they're hideously expensive, at least.

There are a few things to pay attention to here. First, not everyone enjoys alcoholic drinks - and that, all by itself, can help you decide if you want to keep pursuing them. Second, it can tell you a lot about someone's lifestyle and priorities.

If someone says that they love fruit smoothies, they're probably health-conscious and would enjoy a lot of walks. If they mention coffee, they probably feel sleepy in the mornings and like feeling more productive. Once you get a response, seriously consider the reason for it and move on from there.

#9: What's the best compliment you've ever received? I want to beat it.

best pick up lines: What's the best compliment you've ever received? I want to beat it.

​This is mostly focused on getting a laugh from someone - but at the same time, it's a serious question. Women tend to receive the pick-up lines, and many of those involved with online dating have heard a lot of them.

Asking for their best compliment gives you something to try on others - and saying you want to beat it portrays you as someone who's looking to put some real effort into trying to make a relationship work. At the very least, it will help you stand a little further from the rest of the pack.

​​#10: I'm writing a book and need some help. It's a phone book, and it's missing your number.

best pick up lines: I'm writing a book and need some help. It's a phone book, and it's missing your number.

​Phone numbers are still relevant - and so, more importantly, is getting them. If someone gives their number, chances are they're relatively serious about a first date. More importantly, it helps you avoid situations like getting a number during a meal and thinking things were going well, only to find out it's a fake and that you paid for everyone for nothing.

​#11: Tell me a story.

best pick up lines: Tell me a story.

​This is an open-ended invitation, and how well it works often depends on the person's mood. That said, outgoing people are more likely to respond with a good story. As with most of our best pick up lines, the follow-up is the part that matters here. In particular, you should try to give a good response to any story you hear.

If it's funny, laugh. If it's sad, sympathize. If it's crazy, emphasize that you're normal. Either way, it's encouraging them to get involved and spend time on you - and that does help.

​​#12: Who do you want on your team when the zombies attack, and why?

best pick up lines: Who do you want on your team when the zombies attack, and why?

Another engaging question - this is among the best pick up lines because it focused a little more on the silly. However, as usual, answers tend to be quite revealing. If somebody mentions an action movie star, they might want to feel safe and protected. If they mention a video game character, they probably enjoy gaming. And so on.
Have a brief response of your own (preferably someone well-known and of the same gender as you). Don't dwell too much on who you'd like, though, because you want them to spend more time talking than listening.

​#13: If I asked you to coffee, food, or a movie, which would you be most likely to agree to?

best pick up lines: If I asked you to coffee, food, or a movie, which would you be most likely to agree to?

​The direct approach can be surprisingly effective - and educational. When people are honest, it's relatively easy to spin into a date. Even if they don't agree to anything, the answers can help you settle on something else to ask people. Either way, you're going to come out ahead.

Just be sure that your tastes in movies match if you see one - it should always be something both of you will enjoy.

​#14: You look fun to sit next to in bed while we both stare at our phones.

​#14: You look fun to sit next to in bed while we both stare at our phones.

​This is a joke on modern behavior with smartphones - with some truth to it. A lot of people spend a whole lot of time with their devices - and this particular pick-up line suggests you aren't going to be too controlling. Instead, you're acknowledging that they have things they want to do - and you would be doing similar things.

This particular line works best on people who want to maintain a comfortable distance in their relationships.

​#15: What's something no one would guess about you from their first impression?

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​#15: What's something no one would guess about you from their first impression?

​Another fishing line - and one that's good at reeling in answers. This is an opportunity for people to start talking about themselves. Most of the time, people begin talking about their hobbies or the things they like. They may say things like "I'm a massive Game of Thrones fan and have tons of merchandise" or "I once spent two weeks camping just to prove I could."

The question isn't nearly as intrusive as it might sound at first because the person answering is free to decide what they want to mention. Since they're still in control of the flow of information, they won't feel as pressured as they otherwise might.

​#16: Let's go do something fun.

​#16: Let's go do something fun.

​While this isn't a question, it's good for engaging people. Those who respond well are demonstrating that they're willing to go on at least one date - and those who refuse probably won't work out anyway. Either way, the response puts you in a better spot than you were before. Try to have a few options available, with a few for the same day and a few more taking place over the next week.

​#17: Dogs or cats?

​#17: Dogs or cats?

​There aren't many things people like more than their pets - and figuring out whether they're a dog person or a cat person can be make-or-break for a relationship. After all, you certainly don't want to give up on existing pets! And if you happen to have a pet they'd like - particularly a dog - you can offer to bring them along on a date and introduce them.

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