What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go Bad

December 16, 2009 by  
Filed under When Relationships Go Bad

How are you going to admit this to people? Your perfect relationship, the one that was destined to last forever … it’s over. What went wrong? How could you have let something so wonderful just slip through your fingers without even realizing it?
The truth is relationships fail for all sorts of reasons. However, there are a top few that tend to permeate stories of love gone wrong.
Money

It’s been said over and over again – “money is the root of all evil.” Whether or not that is entirely true, it is indeed at the root of many relationship problems. Both partners need to be on the same page as far as money is concerned. Issues can arise when one person is a saver and the other is a spender. Any major purchases should be discussed and agreed upon prior to buying. Even daily expenditures can become a problem. Be sure you both understand where the money is coming from in your relationship and where it will go.

Communication

At the heart of money and all other issues is generally a lack of communication. Some couples don’t talk about things that bother them. Others talk, but their conversations tend to deteriorate into arguments. Another group tends to assume their partners can read their minds and should know what is at the heart of any problem. Obviously, this isn’t the case.

Putting the time and the effort into reaching a level of communication that involves equal parts speaking and listening, as well as a healthy dose of understanding and a heavy coating of thick skin can go a long way towards keeping a relationship happy.

Selfishness

Just talking about a problem isn’t enough. Every problem needs a resolution. Even the best communicators can fail at this point. If either side (or worse, both sides) refuse to budge, all the talking in the world won’t fix things. Relationships require compromise and a lot of it. Even if a couple is perfectly in synch on every issue for a long time, eventually they will run across something they don’t see eye to eye on. This is where compromise becomes necessary. Both people need to be willing to give a little so they can reach a decision they are both able to live with.

Family

While it is wonderful to paint a picture of your relationship as existing in its own little bubble, both people involved have families who were with them long before they met each other and will likely stick around for the remainder of their lives. The importance of this group of people cannot be ignored. They can be friends, confidantes, or even the measure against which your relationship is compared. Remember the old saying– “you don’t just marry the person, you marry the family.” Do not dismiss their family as unimportant. Do not try to break the bonds that exist between them. Instead, try to form your own bonds with the other person’s family. If that isn’t possible, at least try to keep your feelings about them from destroying the relationship you hold dear.

There are certainly other problems that can affect and destroy relationships, but the above four are often at the heart of the issue. If those are kept in check, everything else can be dealt with as it comes along, and your relationship is likely to last as long as you want it to.